The Room (2003)

I love James Franco and for that reason I often find myself watching terrible movies. His The Disaster Artist though seems to be the most hilarious movie of the year and since I have to wait until the end of January to see it, and after being asked to (Sid, I cannot thank you enough) I decided to watch The Room, the movies Franco's in based on. I knew absolutely nothing about the film other than it's considered the worst movie ever made, and guess what, it is the worst movie I've ever seen.

Johnny (Tommy Wiseau) has it all: a high-paying job, a beautiful soon-to-be wife, Lisa (Juliette Danielle), a best friend, Mark (Greg Sestero), and he's the paternal figure of an orphan boy, Danny (Philip Haldiman). All of the sudden, Lisa gets bored of Johnny and cheats on him with Mark while Johnny is completely clueless.

To go any further with the plot would be impossible as nothing really happens in this movie, or as it says in the trivia section on IMDb, nothing between the second sex scene and the birthday party has any effect on the plot. A stupidity followed by another stupidity is all that happens. There's something like a million subplots brought up out of nowhere that, after wasting a few minutes of your time, leave the scene to never come back.

And the same goes for the characters. It's impossible to remember all of them but not because there's too many of them, but because they come out of nowhere only to never be seen again. Apparently, several actors left and Wiseau replaced both the actor and the character. Absolutely insane, I know. Also, they show up where they are not supposed to be -- in one scene, Lisa is talking on the phone with her mother and then she walks her to the door (apparently Wiseau forgot she was on the phone -- and they engage in the most awkward and bizarre interactions ever.

Chloe Productions, TPW Films

The acting, well, it's the worst acting I've ever witnessed. Other than looking completely uninterested (and how to blame them?), they don't even deliver their lines, it's as if they were reading them straight from the script. Wiseau's acting is the cherry on top though. Words are not enough to describe how bad his acting is. As I was watching the movie, I thought there was something weird about his voice, it sounded dubbed. And guess what? He dubbed himself because apparently he couldn't memorize the lines and he wasn't even able to read them from clue cards. I have to admit though that the way his lines are "delivered" is absolutely hilarious. I mean, I can't think of the dumb things he said without laughing.

And before I forget, the sex scene. Pretty much half of the film is made of awkward, horrific sex scenes (am I watching a tacky porn is one of the questions that kept bugging me) that never seem to end. They were recycled even, and they looked fake as f**k.

I know what you are thinking right now, I will never watch such a movie. But what if I tell you there's a shot of Wiseau's bare bottom? Wouldn't that make you change your mind? According to Wiseau, it should. The reason he added that scene was that otherwise nobody would have watched the film. Wow.