Eloise (2017)




Robert Legato




Eliza Dushku, Robert Patrick, Chace Crawford, Brandon T. Jackson, Nicole Forester, P. J. Bryne, Ricky Wayne


Four (almost) friends break into an abandoned insane asylum in search of a death certificate which will grant one of them a large inheritance. However, finding it soon becomes the least of their worries.


Why do I always let myself condition by a pretty face? If it wasn't for Chace Crawford on whom I have a crush on since Gossip Girl, I would have never seen this film. Sorry, I meant this pathetic thing that pretends to be a horror film, but that really looks like a series of disjointed videos put together by some student for a high school project. 

There isn't a single aspect of Eloise that makes sense, starting from the story. The plot is illogical, plenty of loose ends, plot holes as big as Lunar craters - I could write a whole post talking only about those holes if I wanted to -, it's impossible to follow and equally impossible to understand. In other words, it's not a story.

But a number of horror films without a solid story, well, it's plenty out there of those horrors. Despite that lack, some still manage to be decent if not good movies. Of course, that's not Eloise's case. There isn't a single scary thing here - probably the filmmakers forgot that's a quality requested in films of this genre -, there isn't any tension or suspense, There isn't a disturbing scene in the whole thing. 

The acting, however, is in line with most horrors, it's truly horrifying especially from Eliza Dushku and Chace Crawford who are as bland as water. And the poorly written and so not developed characters sure didn't help. 

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