Ocean's Twelve (2004)





George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Julia Roberts, Matt Damon, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Scott Caan, Casey Affleck, Carl Reiner, Elliott Gould, Eddie Jemison, Shaobo Qin, Vincent Cassel, Andy García, Albert Finney, Eddie Izzard, Bruce Willis, Jeroen Krabbé, Cherry Jones, Robbie Coltrane, Topher Grace, Candice Azzara, Jerry Weintraub, Mini Anden, Jared Harris, Adriano Giannini


Three years after pulling an impossible heist at the Bellagio Hotel Casino, Danny Ocean (George Clooney) and his pals are tracked down by Terry Benedict (Andy García), owner of the casino, who offers them a proposal: repay the $160 million plus interest in two weeks, or die.


*** This review may contain spoilers ***
After Ocean's Eleven I couldn't have anything but high hopes for this film. Needless to say I was completely let down. Starting slow, and proceeding even slower, Ocean's Twelve is a boring comedy heist without any comedy, heist, or thrills.

The idea of the Ocean's competing with another famous thief - played by Vincent Cassel - to return the loot to the victim of their first heist could have been interesting. Unfortunately this time the all-star cast didn't work out well. Putting the plot aside for a moment, the film fails in finding its center. For a moment you will think Julia Roberts will have an important role, and may be one of the leads. Then the buck is passed to George Clooney, then to Brad Pitt, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and goes back to Clooney, or Pitt, or whoever.

But let's go back to the plot: it is terrible. It is too complex to be followed, and even if you have managed to keep track of who's stealing what from whom, you'll feel a little confused and you won't even care anymore.

The twists, what a mess! How much of a clever twist is Julia Robert's character infiltrating in a museum by disguising herself as Julia Roberts? I knew she would have done something like that the second after Matt Damon's character said, "Have you noticed she looks like...". Looks like some stupid twist of a parody film. How about Linus mom pretending to be a cop and bailing the whole crew out of jail after they all have been arrested?
The greatest thing about Ocean's Eleven, besides from the plot, was the heist scene: simply spectacular. And that's what I, and I suppose people, want to see when watching a film about a heist. I'm sorry to let you down but there is no heist scenes. There is actually one, but it is so bad, it's a crime calling it a heist. I mean, after a hour and plus spent watching the pals pulling of the heist, we find out the actual heist was made days earlier and took Matt Damon only 30 seconds to pull off. Absolutely ridiculous.

The soundtrack is bad, and the beautiful European scenery only served to trick people into watching this crap. There is no acting involved. Everyone's playing themselves. Matt Damon is the only one who's really trying hard to do a good thing.


Danny Ocean: Every problem is an opportunity in disguise.

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