Outlaw King (2018)

I was pretty excited about Outlaw King, so much so that I even marked the day on my calendar to make sure I'd remember. Then a lot of shit happened and, after a long day, I finally managed to watch it on Saturday evening. Right now, I can't think of a bigger waste of time than this movie as it was outrageously boring and the scene was the biggest disappointment of 2018. 

Netflix's original tells the true story of Robert the Bruce (Chris Pine), the 14th-century Scottish king who, after being declared outlaw by the English Empire, rose an army of Scottish men in rebellion against the tyrannical King Edward I of England (Stephen Dillane) and his son, the Prince of Wales (Billy Howle). 

History was not my favourite subject in high school and we didn't study British history anyway so I don't know whether the movie is historically accurate or inaccurate —I lean more on the latter as I doubt a 14-century man would treat a woman like that, and wouldn't even consummate on the wedding night. What I do know is that Outlaw King has the typical historical movie plot that builds up to an epic final battle scene, that has a romance —because Hollywood just can't get enough of those and also, a Medieval movie without boobs? Straight men would riot, especially after seeing the blurry and blink-and-you-miss-it Pine tree— and a pacing so slow it challenges you to stay awake. 

The characters aren't much better. They barely have a characterization, development is nowhere to be found, and it's even hard to understand what drives them. In other words, they all are one-dimensional, some of them nothing but stereotypes, and because of that, you don't feel for any of them.

The cast doesn't do much either. While Stephen Dillane gives a pretty good performance as Edward I of England —I'm still shocked considering how poorly written that character is—, the rest are just average, especially Chirs Pine who is not so convincing in the role of Robert the Bruce as it's hard to buy he'd be able to lead anyone; he does a good job with the accent though —it's not perfect but I think we can all agree Scottish is hard to nail.

It's not all downs though, Outlaw King also has some ups. The opening sequence, for instance, which is an about 10-minute long continuous tracking shot, is superb; the cinematography by Barry Ackroyd is quite captivating —one of the few reasons I kept watching— and captures the beauties of Scottland to perfection; and the haunting score, although it is a bit intrusive at times, fit the film very well.


  1. I wasn't expecting this to be good, but I'll still probably watch it eventually. I saw a gif of the short dick scene already lol

    1. I googled to find out the exact minute before watching and I was really considering watching that moment only haha

  2. I heard the original film was much longer and the version you saw got trimmed by a few minutes. I've heard mixed things about it but I'm still interested. Plus, I did get a glimpse of what Chris Pine was packing and... not bad....

  3. Oh man. Netflix shall be punished for luring us with blurry penis