Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

Genre

Horror

Director

Ronny Yu

Country

USA

Cast

Robert Englund, Ken Kirzinger, Monica Keena, Kelly Rowland, Jason Ritter, Chris Marquette, Lochlyn Munro, Katharine Isabelle, Brendan Fletcher, Zack Ward, Kyle Labine, Tom Butler, Garry Chalk, Jesse Hutch, Odessa Munroe, Chris Gauthier, Paula Shaw, Sharon Peters

Storyline

Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) and Jason Voorhees (Ken Kirzinger) return to terrorize the teenage population, but this time they are out to get each other too.

Opinion

Before remaking both the original movie starring Jason Voorhees and the one starring Freddy Krueger, someone had the brilliant idea to bring them together for a fight to the last blade. Only it wasn't a brilliant idea at all as "Freddy vs. Jason" is a boring, laughable, utterly dumb horror film that delivers no thrills whatsoever.

The storyline is just plain dumb. Freddy, who is finally dead, is no longer remembered and therefore no longer feared. Since he is fueled by fear, he has to find a way to torment and kill those kids on Elm Street so he resurrects a colleague of him, Jason. But things don't go as planned and they clash. Well, what can I say, I'm still trying to figure out how a human being with a brain could have had such a stupid idea.

But this isn't even the worst part of the film. The fact that it is not scary at all is. It is so predictable, you already know what is going to happen. There aren't even little jump scares. Nothing at all. That dialogue though, it is so bad, it's scary.

I'd love to mention the characters, but I can't even remember their names. Why even bother when they are just a bunch of stupid, stereotypical, one-dimensional teenagers? And they are likable only after they are dead - credits for that also go to the cast for doing such an awful job.

The film also features nude women - I don't know, maybe the filmmakers were trying to scare gays -, an obvious and rather pointless use of CGI, and, surprise, surprise, a good performances from Robert Englund. I'm serious, he is the only good thing about this film.

Friday the 13th (2009)

Genre

Horror

Director

Marcus Nispel

Country

USA

Cast

Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Amanda Righetti, Derek Mears, Travis Van Winkle, Julianna Guill, Aaron Yoo, Arlen Escarpeta, Willa Ford, Ryan Hansen, Richard Burgi, Kyle Davis, Ben Feldman, Nick Mennell, America Olivo, Jonathan Sadowski, Nana Visitor

Storyline

Clay (Jared Padalecki) searches for his missing sister (Amanda Righetti) in the eerie woods of legendary Crystal Lake, where he stumbles on the creaky remains of rotting old cabins behind moss-covered trees. But that's not the only thing lying in wait under the brush.

Opinion

Many years and sequels later Sean S. Cunningham's Friday the 13th, Marcus Nispel, who made its directorial debut with the remake of another horror (The Texas Chainsaw Massacre), returned to Camp Crystal Lake to bring back Jason. What do I think? He should have left Jason alone.

Not only doesn't bring anything new on the table, but Friday the 13th is never scary, tense or anything besides predictably stupid. 

Regardless of whether I liked it or not, the original Friday did not need a remake, the more if a total failure. For the story the screenwriters took inspiration from the first three chapters, they combined it with sex and drugs, the usual predictable survivors, and the usual stereotyped, annoying characters that can do only two things: the guys say stupid lines for all the time, the girls can't help but show their breasts. 

It is not that difficult to side with Jason, who perhaps was plagued by some space radiation because now, besides killing everyone on his path, he also kidnaps people. The disturbing mother from yesterday - the best part of the original, with a great performance from Betsy Palmer - has become a frail and weak woman. 

Many will say stuff like: it's not supposed to have a plot; or the dialogue is supposed to be stupid; or the acting is supposed to be awful; or the characters are supposed to be utterly annoying. Well, this is not supposed to be a film then.

Michael Bay produced it after all, what was I even expecting. 

Jason X (2001)

Genre

Horror | Sci-Fi

Director

James Isaac

Country

USA | Canada

Cast

Kane Hodder, Lexa Doig, Lisa Ryder, Chuck Campbell, Peter Mensah, Melyssa Ade, Melody Johnson, Jonathan Potts, Philip Williams, Derwin Jordan, Dov Tiefenbach, Kristi Angus, Amanda Brugel, Yani Gellman, Todd Farmer, David Cronenberg, Robert A. Silverman, Markus Parilo

Storyline

In 2455 a team of young students descends onto the ruined and no longer inhabitable Earth, where they find two cryogenically frozen bodies, one of a beautiful young woman (Lexa Doig), and the other of a familiar looking man in a hockey mask. The group decides to bring the bodies back for testing and reanimation. What they don't know is that they are about to bring back to life the unstoppable Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder), who will continue killing on the spaceship.

Opinion

Even though 'Friday the 13th' is not a part of the title anymore, my expectations were low, and once again I was not disappointed.

Boring, not believable, not scary, and definitely not good, Jason X is an embarrassment for both horror and sci-fi films.

Was this supposed to be a silly comedy making fun of the franchise? I'm not sure about the comedy, but it surely is silly. What the screenwriters seemed to be doing here is taking a cheap sci-fi script already written by somebody else and writing Jason all over the place. There's no need to be smart to notice that the story is practically absent. Also the lines are absolutely ridiculous and there is a truckload of nonsense, like Jason stabbing a woman with a machete through a thick military metal door.

There's nothing about this film that can be considered entertaining. The special effects are so poor that are probably some of the worst you'll ever see. 

Kane Hodder once again plays Jason Voorhees, but the character has completely lost of interest and has become nothing more than just a butcher.

The acting reminds me of Daddy Warbucks reading the paper at the radio to find Annie's parents: the actors seem to be reading their lines straight out of the script, and I was expecting them to say stuff like "Jason enters the room".

At some point Janessa said "This sucks on so many levels". Can't blame her. Well, Jason has gone to Manhattan, and Hell. Now he can cross outerspace from his vacation wish list, and let's hope he's done with vacations.

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)

Genre

Horror

Director

Adam Marcus

Country

USA

Cast

Kane Hodder, John D. LeMay, Kari Keegan, Steven Williams, Allison Smith, Steven Cup, Billy Green Bush, Erin Gray, Rusty Schwimmer, Leslie Jordan, Josh Brennan, Kipp Marcus, Richard Gant, Gino Kane, Julie Michaels, Paul Devine, Michael Clunie

Storyline

Tracked down and blown to bits by a special FBI task force, everyone now assumes that Jason (Kane Hodder) is finally dead. But everyone assumes wrong, and Jason now has the ability to assume the identity of anyone he touches, and it's up to the Voorhees family to stop him.

Opinion

Definition of hell: 1. A place regarded in various religions as a spiritual realm of evil and suffering 2. A situation, experience, or place of great suffering. Now, unless I've seen a completely different film, I haven't seen Jason going through that - I kind of guess he goes to hell at the end of the film, but the audience is the one really going through hell for an hour and a half.

Slow, stupid and tacky, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday is a garbage of a movie that should go to hell.

Besides being atrociously written, poorly executed and painfully acted, and besides the title still lies because this clearly isn't the final friday, the problem here is the plot, or better what the hell happened between Manhattan and this. We left Jason dipped in toxic waste in a New York City sewer, where he turned back into a kid, and was supposedly dead - in that case the title would have made sense. This film opens with a FBI task force blowing Jason to bits, after his killing spree started again in Camp Crystal Lake. What the hell happened? How did he come back from the dead this time? And how did he go back to Camp Blood? At this point I think it's stupid of me to try to make sense of this.

The film almost completely lacks suspense and surprise. I said almost because the coroner deciding to eat Jason's heart for no apparent reason is probably the biggest surprise in the entire franchise, stupid still a surprise. 

However, Jason's heart deserves a mention because of its beats before getting eaten. I think it'd be great to make techno/electronic/dance music. Seriously, DJs should call him. 

The useless and awful characters are rewarded with something they really deserve, the worst acting in the whole franchise.

That's all for this episode, see you next Friday with the next predictably awful sequel.

Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

Genre

Horror

Director

Rob Hedden

Country

USA

Cast

Kane Hodder, Jensen Daggett, Scott Reeves, Barbara Bingham, Peter Mark Richman, V. C. Dupree, Kelly Hu, Sharlene Martin, Martin Cummins, Gordon Currie, Saffron Henderson, Alex Diakun, Warren Munson, Tiffany Paulsen, Amber Pawlik

Storyline

Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder), imprisoned at the bottom of the lake by telekinetic Tina in the previous film, is reanimated yet again, and continues his killing spree aboard a ship on its way to New York.

Opinion

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

If you have been following my journey into the FT13 world you know I'm not a fan of the franchise. What I know now, after watching this eighth instalment, is that I feel terribly sorry for having been that harsh with the previous films, because this one tops all of them.

Dreadfully acted, dull, and pathetic, Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is less pleasing than sitting on the chair of torture for 100 minutes. 

The change of location, from Crystal Lake to the Big Apple, could have been a breath of fresh air in the franchise, but I'm afraid it doesn't work when the only thing involving New York is the title, and the last 15 minutes or so of an unjustifiable overlong film.

The plot is nonexistent and utterly ridiculous, dragged for the eternity, and barely involves Jason. 

Also logic and Jason Voorhees are apparently two things that can not coexist, proved by the huge amount of absurde scenes. Trying not to linger too much on Jason's resurrection - ridiculous like everything else in this movie -, it's unbelievable how a slow walking man is always a step ahead of people running. Does he teleport or what? The boat sinks, Jason is on the boat, still he joins the others in New York. Once in New York, he kills a man with a syringe, that must have the longest needle in the world to pass from side to side. Jason acknowledges his ugliness and takes off his hockey mask to scare people, but he doesn't kill them because all he wants is Rennie, this film's heroine. After seeing things people wouldn't believe, you finally get to the end, when Jason, immersed in some sort of radioactive slurry, returns a child and probably dies.

My suggestion is to avoid this crap: you'll save money and time. 

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)

Genre

Horror

Director

John Carl Buechler

Country

USA

Cast

Kane Hodder, Lar Park Lincoln, Kevin Spirtas, Susan Blu, Terry Kiser, Susan Jennifer Sullivan, Elizabeth Kaitan, Jon Renfield, Diana Barrows, Jeff Bennett, Heidi Kozak, Larry Cox, William Butler, Staci Greason, Craig Thomas, Diane Almeida, John Otrin, Jennifer Banko

Storyline

Years after Tommy Jarvis chained him underwater at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) is released from his watery grave by a telekinetic girl (Lar Park Lincoln), and the killing begins again.

Opinion

It's Friday the 13th so what a better day to attack Jason Voorhees and the franchise? Let's hope Jason won't come and get me. Jokes apart, this film wowed me , they really got creative this time.

Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood has some ideas, and some real suspense but it's executed in a pretty bad way.

After the discreet sixth chapter, Jason Lives, this installment will always stand out thank to its innovative element, the psychic and paranormal abilities of the protagonist - compared by many to Carrie, but I wouldn't know since I haven't seen the film or read the book. Her powers will be useful to cope with the threats of Jason, but also will be fateful as they'll bring Jason back from the deaths. 

Once again, the main problem is the plot, always the same damn plot whose repetitiveness and predictability begins to bore, and with the same stereotypical characters whose only purpose is being unintentional sacrifices to the murderous fury of Jason. The killings are predictable as they were in the previous chapters, but this time they also lack in gore.

The makeup is probably the best part. Jason is a "beautiful" rotting cadaver with a visible spinal cord, rib cage poking out, and the unmasking scene is both shocking and awesome, revealing Jason's putrefied face that is more than just a skull. Jason should keep the mask on next time though, he is really ugly.

Kane Hodder begins his run as Jason Voorhees, and his portrayal of the serial killer is more scary than ever, and I must say, beneath the makeup, he wonderfully expresses the evil wrath of Jason. That's basically the reason why he is the only one who became famous for playing him. Lar Park Lincoln also gives a good performance, even though she is close to tears most of the time. 

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

Genre

Horror

Director

Tom McLoughlin

Country

USA

Cast

Thom Mathews, Jennifer Cooke, David Kagen, Kerry Noonan, Renée Jones, Tom Fridley, Darcy DeMoss, Tony Goldwyn, Nancy McLoughlin, Alan Blumenfeld, Matthew Faison, Ann Ryerson, Ron Palillo, Vincent Guastaferro, Michael Swan, Courtney Vickery, Whitney Rydbeck, Bob Larkin, Wallace Merck, Justin Nowell, Roger Rose, Michael Nomad, Cynthia Kania, Temi Epstein, Justin Nowell, Taras O'Har, Tommy Nowell, Sheri Levinsky, C. J. Graham

Storyline

Tommy Jarvis (Thom Mathews) returns to the graveyard to make sure Jason Voorhees (C. J. Graham) is dead and accidentally brings him back to life. Now it's up to Tommy to stop Jason's mindless killing and put him back where he belongs.

Opinion

I can't believe I'm about to say it, but this chapter is kind of good. A bit boring yet Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is an improvement over the previous installments.

On the one hand, director Tom McLoughlin offers a tedious, repetitive and therefore predictable storyline lacking in good gore, but on the other hand, he opens the film with the most effective sequence in the entire franchise - having Tommy and a friend accidentally bringing back from the dead a virtually unstoppable Jason.

Once again, there is no reason for this film to exist other than allowing Jason to run around killing people in the same ways as always with the addition of some demential elements. Only this time the film is watchable, also because of the beautiful red Camaro that definitely steals the scene.

As sequel of Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning, the change of course is utterly disappointing. Let me explain myself. At end of Part V is more than clear that Tommy is going to be the new Jason, considering the way he killed that poor woman in the hospital. In this chapter seems like they forgot about that part, with Tommy only trying to brin

g Jason back where he belongs, hell.

The most astonishing thing is the acting: unbelievably good considering its predecessors. Thom Mathews is the right guy to play Tommy Jarvis, and does a fine job. David Kagen also does a quite good job in the role of Sheriff Garris. Also the camp counselors do a fine job.

Quotes

Lizabeth: I've seen enough horror movies to know any weirdo wearing a mask in never friendly. 

Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning (1985)

Genre

Horror

Director

Danny Steinmann

Country

USA

Cast

Melanie Kinnaman, John Shepherd, Shavar Ross, Corey Feldman, Richard Young, Marco St. John, Tiffany Helm, Juliette Cummins, Carol Locatell, Vernon Washington, Jerry Pavlon, John Robert Dixon, Debi Sue Voorhees, Caskey Swaim, Ron Sloan, Mark Venturini, Richard Lineback, Bob DeSimone, Rebecca Wood, Miguel A. Núñez Jr., Jere Fields, Dick Wieand, Ric Mancini, Corey Parker, Anthony Barrile, Dominick Brascia, Tom Morga, Kimberly Beck

Storyline

Five years after killing Jason, Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd) has grown up in various mental hospitals unable to get over the nightmares about Jason's return. When he is sent to a rural halfway house for mentally disturbed teenagers, a series of grisly murders begin anew as another hockey-masked killer begins killing off all people at and around the residence. Has Jason returned from the dead?

Opinion

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

I'm beginning to like this franchise because each time it manages to surprise me with an even worse film, and makes me feel sorry for being harsh on the previous chapters.

A mixture of stupidity and more stupidity, Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning keeps up the reputation of the franchise.

Please someone tell me the point of making this film. If I remember correctly, Jason was finally dead, so why don't end the saga in "grand style"? The world didn't really need another Friday the 13th.

Firstly I'd like to point out that there is no script. Well, there is one, but you can't call that crap script. The story somehow manages to be worst than ever, with plot twists that don't feel like twists at all - the paramedic looks so much alike Joey, that only one of those dumb characters couldn't figure out he was the father, and therefore "Jason", and Tommy the new Jason is something I saw coming at the end of Final Chapter, after he killed the real Jason.

The useless characters count continues to rise. Half of the characters in this film are slightly introduced, they have a few dumb lines, and they die straight away, with the exception of women that find the time to show their breasts in between. The other half of the characters is undeveloped, one dimensional, and unlikable.

Jason doesn't even show up. Maybe it was acceptable in the first chapter, since they hadn't planned on making other 11 film, but at this point? Make no sense.

There something I liked about this film thought: Ethel. She was frighteningly hilarious, and I'm sure I've never laughed so hard while watching a horror film in my whole life. She didn't deserve to die.

Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter (1984)

Genre

Horror

Director

Joseph Zito

Country

USA

Cast

Ted White, Kimberly Beck, Corey Feldman, Erich Anderson, Joan Freeman, Clyde Hayes, Judie Aronson, Lawrence Monoson, Crispin Glover, Peter Barton, Barbara Howard, Camilla More, Carey More, Bruce Mahler, Lisa Freeman, Bonnie Hellman

Storyline

Thought to be killed by Chris Higgins in the last massacre at Camp Crystal Lake, Jason Voorhees (Ted White) escapes from the morgue and kills his way back to the camp to once again murder its inhabitants.

Opinion

I've been told this one is one of the best entries in the series, but I'm not that sure about it.

With its lying title, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is as stupid as its predecessors, and as fresh as rotten eggs.

Still with the same old storyline, the film suffers from a complete lack of plot - not that is something new in this franchise - that results in some unbelievably pointless sequences.

Also, it is illogical as never before. I mean, all those mass murders happened in the same damn location but people keep on going there like nothing has happened? I wouldn't care if the news says the killer is dead, I wouldn't go in a place like that for a million dollars. And Jason, for fuck sake, he never dies! He had his head wide open and was still moving.

Oh, the nudity. As if the previous installments didn't do it enough, this film focuses even more on nudity and sex rather than focusing on terror. Nobody - at least I think so - watches horrors for nudity. Almost every woman shows her tits and ass, and while I'm pretty sure men did appreciate this, I find this objectification very annoying.

The characters are still useless, undeveloped, and one-dimensional that you actually want to see them die, in particular Ted with his annoying laugh and dead fuck lines. I kinda liked Rob but it was predictable he was going to die since guys never survive. Also, I was disappointed to see the hitchhiker only for a few seconds.

Since this claims to be the final chapter, it was really annoying not to see what happened to the surviving kids of the previous movies.

If acting was a pendulum between screaming and screaming louder, a huge part of this cast should have won an Oscar. And I absolutely have to say this or I will regret it: Crispin Glover plays a horny George McFly but what a dance off!

Friday the 13th Part III (1982)

Genre

Horror

Director

Steve Miner

Country

USA

Cast

Richard Brooker, Dana Kimmell, Paula Kratka, Tracie Savage, Jeffrey Rogers, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner, David Katims, Rachel Howard, Marilyn Poucher, Amy Steel, John Furey, Nick Savage, Gloria Charles, Kevin O'Brien, Cheri Maugans, Steve Susskind, Perla Walter, David Wiley, Kristen Baker

Storyline

Having survived a wound to his shoulder from his own machete, Jason Voorhees (Richard Brooker) refuges at a cabin near Crystal Lake. As a new group of friends reside there for their vacation, Jason, stronger than ever, continues his spree.

Opinion

Friday the 13th Part III is a frighteningly dull and awful horror that feels like a gory comedy but with no laughs. A disaster, in a few words.

First things first, maybe it's just me, maybe I'm stupid, but I still don't get the point of showing five and plus minutes of the old film. The newscaster tells what happened after the opening credits for God's sake.

Now Chris's story about Jason. First of all is garbage, it's just put there and makes no sense. We don't even know if that was Jason. We only know she was attacked by someone, she tried to escape, but she eventually passed out. It's also implied that she was raped. But if that was Jason, why would he let her go? He kills everybody, even poor, innocent rabbits.

Avoiding to spend too much time talking about the one-dimensional and stereotyped characters, I want to point out how unlikable those people are, and how you can only wish for their death.

And how about that comical moment when Rick's eyeball pops out like the Wolf's eyes? 

The ending is always the same. A woman, after struggling for about 20 minutes, kills the villain, and survives, albeit with some screws loose.

In Friday the 13th Part 2 Crazy Ralph finally died. It was probably the only thing I liked about that film. Now comes Abel, another crazy man, who is told by Jason (or at least looks so) to warn the group of friends. Does this mean Jason has a conscience? It doesn't seems so when he kills Harold and his wife in their home, and for no reason.

And to end, the acting does not disappoint. We are indeed blessed with one dimensional acting from all the cast.

But after all I guess Jason is happy: he finally gets his hockey mask.

Friday the 13th Part 2 (1981)

Genre

Horror

Director

Steve Miner

Country

USA

Cast

Amy Steel, John Furey, Adrienne King, Warrington Gillette, Walt Gorney, Stu Charno, Bill Randolph, Marta Kober, Tom McBride, Lauren-Marie Taylor, Kristen Baker, Russell Todd, Betsy Palmer, Cliff Cudney, Jack Marks, Jerry Wallace, Steve Daskawisz

Storyline

Two months after the tragic incidents back in 1979, the only survivor (Adrienne King) is mysteriously murdered. Five years later, Paul Holt (John Furey) opens a counselor training center at the Packanack Lodge, nearby the old Camp Crystal Lake. Ignoring once again the warnings from Crazy Ralph (Walt Gorney), murders begin again.

Opinion

If Friday the 13th wasn't memorable at all, Friday the 13th Part 2 is the proof that once you have hit the bottom you can always keep digging.

Writer Ron Kurz definitely did not know what to do. So he ended up using the first film's clips, same old tricks - how many times is the killer going to pretend he/she left the room? -, and the usual clichés - Mean Girls' Coach Carr was right, if you have sex you'll die -, the whole thing between a plot hole and another one.

The body count rises so the film doesn't seem as slows as the first installment, still there's nothing worst than watching the counselors killing time - by playing chess, and vintage video games, and engaged in tedious dialogue - in between slightly meaningful scenes.

Jason "finally" appears for the first time, but he is anything but intimidating. Seriously, how is a bag over his head supposed to be frightening? He just looks like an idiot.

The acting doesn't get better. With an appearing and disappearing Mrs. Voorhees, Betsy Palmer surely can't shine, and the rest of the cast is dreadful to watch.

Can't wait to see how worse it will get in the next episode.

Friday the 13th (1980)

Genre

Horror

Director

Sean C. Cunningham

Country

USA

Cast

Betsy Palmer, Adrienne King, Harry Crosby, Laurie Bartram, Jeannine Taylor, Kevin Bacon, Mark Nelson, Robbi Morgan, Peter Brouwer, Rex Everhart, Ronn Carroll, Ron Millkie, Walt Gorney, Willie Adams, Debra S. Hayes, Ari Lehman

Storyline

In 1957, a young boy named Jason (Ari Lehman) drowned at Camp Crystal Lake. In 1958, two camp counselors were murdered. In 1962, fires and bad water thwarted the camp's reopening. Now, in 1979, Steve Christy (Peter Brouwer) finally reopens Camp Crystal Lake with the help of a few new counselor. Unfortunately, someone isn't happy about what's going on in the camp and enjoys playing kill the counselor.

Opinion

My first thought at the end of the film was, "Was this film really that scary back in the 80's?", because besides from giving birth to Jason, I struggle to see its greatness.

Slightly scary, Friday the 13th has nothing memorable, only the aura of legend that has been crafted over the years. 

It's hard to find something that works. The script is barely there. The absurd story, and the non-terrifying murders are joined by a killer that just shows up at the end of the film, denying the surprise effect because nobody has an idea of who the hell that person is.

This film condones some of the horrors clichés - the couple having sex dies, the car doesn't start, and the ugly one survives. The action sequences are also quite bad. The fighting looks terrible and completely unrealistic.

The acting is another weak point. Adrienne King is great at screaming: if only her acting was that powerful. The other kids are not better. Betsy Palmer easily steals the show, even though she only shows up for 15 minutes circa.

Besides from Kevin Bacon's character dead - I don't like him much -, the good part is the music. I don't know how, but it was chosen properly, and manages to delivers some thrills.

Quotes

Crazy Ralph: You're doomed! You're all doomed!