Baywatch (2017)

Genres

Action, Comedy

Director

Seth Gordon

Country

USA

Cast

Dwayne Johnson, Zac Efron, Alexandra Daddario, Kelly Rohrbach, Priyanka Chopra, Jon Bass, Ilfenesh Hadera, Yahya Abdul-Mateen II, Rob Huebel, Hannibal Buress, Jack Kesy, Oscar Nunez, Amin Joseph, Belinda, Izabel Goulart, Charlotte McKinney, David Hasselhoff, Pamela Anderson

Storyline

While babysitting an insubordinate former Olympic swimmer (Zac Efron), vigorous lifeguard Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) must do some undercover work to find out who's selling a new synthetic drug on his beach.

Opinion

Apparently, m.brown's review over at Two Dollar Cinema wasn't enough of a warning because I still decided to watch Baywatch. And it was exactly how I thought it would be, hundred percent trash.

I have never seen the TV show, only a few scenes here and there and they were enough for me to see how stupid it was (so it totally makes sense Hollywood decided to remake into a movie) and the movie is no different. The story is absolutely ridiculous, stupid, pathetic, cheesy, predictable and I think I'm out of adjectives to describe it.

And it's filled with equally terrible characters. They all are paper-thin and stereotypes. The men are all morons, the women are all smart and witty. I'm a woman and I love seeing witty women on screen, but these characters are just pathetic and insulting throward those movies that actually features smart female characters. Also, they are so bland, I couldn't care less about the predictable outcome of their mission. To be honest I was rooting for the villain. I'm not saying the villain was a better character, I just have a huge crush on Priyanka Chopra. I mean, isn't she hot and charming as hell? She was basically the highlight of the film for me.

The trashiest thing about this film is easily the humour. I haven't laughed a single time. Not even chuckled once. Almost all the jokes are old but not gold dick jokes. There are some gags, however, that I've seen for the first time but that didn't make them any better than the others. Like that scene where Zac Efron is touching a dead man's dick. How is that supposed to be funny?

Oh, by the way, that's pretty much it with the nudity. If you are a guy expecting to see boobies, well, you better pick another movie. Other than some over used slow motion, there's nothing to make you happy. 

9 comments :

  1. Uh who are you? Are you even a pinch deserving to write a review? YOU ARE A FUCKING NOBODY. A LOSER. So shut up, then go to fucking hell.

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    1. You know what? Thank you! I always struggle to introduce myself but now that I know I'm a fucking nobody, my life is going to be way easier. I owe you big time.

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    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    3. Alex, Sonia has a cool blog and faithful readers. You on the other hand are a vulgar, incoherent crazy person randomly commenting on someone's movie review.

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  2. Oh my....he needs to slow down on the anger pills but you handled it well:) I'm a ducking nobody too so glad to know you:) I have no desire to see this flick and your review just proves it. Looking at the photo, I thought The Rock had seaweed on his shoulder and then I realized that they are tattoos...ughhh

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    1. Hahaha now I can't stop laughing and seeing seaweeds on The Rock's shoulder

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  3. Lo giustifico solo perché è un film consapevole di essere ignorante :)

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  4. I don't remember the show being that bad. This sounds a lousy movie mind.

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